...You are going to jail.

Suspect allegedly gets intimate with police cruiser during arrest

CINCINNATI - During the course of their day, it's fair to say that Cincinnati police officers see a lot of different, and sometimes bizarre things.

Police responded to the 1900 block of Fairmount Avenue around 9 p.m. and say they found 27-year-old Les Paul Stuckey acting disorderly.  Police say after being warned to stop, Stuckey didn't and proceeded to curse them out.

Then, things took an odd turn. According to court documents, officers say Stuckey was "pulling on the front of the police car, humping the police car." Stuckey also allegedly refused to listen to the officer who was requesting he stand at the front of the car.

http://www.wcpo.com/dpp/news/region_west_cincinnati/fairmount/suspect-alleged...

Can you blame the guy? Have you seen the way those cars flaunt their tailpipes? *rawr*

CINCINNATI -- 
Police arrested a man Wednesday evening accused of being naked at the library with a bag full of stolen cheese.

Yup, naked with a bag of stolen cheese... I can't even muster the energy to come up with something witty. 

An off-duty police officer working security at the downtown branch of the Cincinnati Public Library said he found 52-year-old Darrell Bess washing himself in the nude about 5:30 p.m. in the men's restroom.When officers searched his bag, they said they found a knife, a razor, two stolen DVDs and 4 pounds of parmesan cheese stolen from a Findlay Market store.

Bess was taken into custody and charged with public indecency, theft, carrying a concealed weapon.

http://www.wlwt.com/news/24025221/detail.html

Guess what: The best testicle joke posted in relation to this story will win something. If you aren't posting the comment here or on our Facebook page, make sure to let me know on twitter where you posted it.